I found myself getting somewhat excited by the Coachella line-up even though it’s the sort of thing I would never in a million years attend. I mean, geez, Interpol, Sonic youth, Brazilian Girls, Peaches, The Decemberists, Arcade Fire, Blonde Redhead….aye aye aye! But of course reality sets in and I remember why I hate outdoor festivals of any kind:

1. Too many hippies: You could be going to a punk rock festival and still, like moths to the flame, there would be a hippie infestation and more often that not, a drum circle.
2. Bathroom situation: Look, I’d rather make use of the inhuman conditions in the Emo’s women’s bathroom than a portapotty that 1000 hippies have already been in.
3. The Sound Sucks. Seriously, the sound travels out of the amp, out of the speakers and up, up and away, into the sky. Bands sound good surrounded by walls. That’s why they record in studios, not open fields.
4. The six dollar beer. And dammit, it's always Bud Light.
5. Again, too many hippies: I can’t emphasize this one enough, people.