I veer between feeling sorry for Britney Spears (people take advantage of her!) and being very angry at her (she has kids!). Here I go being all puritan, but when you have kids you really shouldn’t be out every night exposing your lady garden (as Amy Poehler so elegantly put it) or in a state of half dress. You have a responsibility to not be photographed in your underwear out at a club. And really, is that so hard a goal to accomplish? Does she have people watching her kids at night? Sure she does. And I’m sure they are confident and capable. But it’s also important to be there for them at night, when they wake up and are scared. I’m no stranger to celebrity gossip - I like to read about ugly dresses and ridiculous break ups and get togethers as much as the next person. But this is not just a girl in an ugly dress. I'm starting to feel guilty and concerned. It’s not at all entertaining to see someone’s breakdown being broadcast for public consumption. And yet, it’s hard to look away.

I actually feel a lot more sorry for Anna Nicole Smith, a Marilyn Monroe wannabe who stopped going to school after 8th grade. Though it’s embarrassing to admit that I just read 5 or 6 pages of a court document on Smoking Gun outlining her relationship with J. Howard this morning, doing so led me to conclude she was certainly entitled to some cash after his death -- and to have the relationship acknowledged. Apparently they had a relationship for three or four years (he was even planning on adopting her son) before they were married and it was pretty clear to both parties what the terms were all along. Anna Nicole wasn’t smart enough to survive on her own, but was smart enough to find someone who could help her and it does seem as though she had genuine regard for her protector. All in all, she seems to have turned out more like Jayne Mansfield than Marilyn, though all met with curious deaths. Perhaps Britney will be next?

This sorta makes me want to stop reading celebrity gossip. Sorta. Can I be reformed?